The Stripper Pole

by Justin Curry, http://neovox.cortland.edu

Posted in on Friday, Nov 5

The Stripper Pole: For the Audacious and Reckless Drunks of Cortland

The stripper pole scarred me for life, but that isn't important. This isn't a story about a club, although I have a catchy tale about a bachelor party where after a stripper rubbed off on my friend, she left a large, red spot on his white wife beater. My intentions of installing a stripper pole in the middle of the living room was to get the drunk girls to go wild to the assortment of rap music that played during the party. It worked.

Running a party can be simple, or it can be a complete hair-pulling hassle. I love the dude who tries to funnel a beer after fifteen games of beer pong and someone adds a few shots in the funnel for a surprise, but after the beer and liquor hits his stomach, it is suddenly all over the living room rug. Someone walks him outside and before you know it, I step in a pile of fresh vomit and have no clue who to blame. They are too drunk to clean it anyway. Where's the pledges? Make them lick it up off the floor.

This isn't a fraternity though. I have yet to go to one here, but at my old school they charged ten to fifteen bucks for male entry. That's madness, so some friends and I threw our own parties instead. With lowered prices, we could usually generate a full house Wednesday through Saturday night (but if you're a real college student, you should be drinking every night). That's an opinion, but when I personally drank every night, my grade point average was a 3.5. Now that I never party, it's a 2.0. What have I done wrong? Does anybody have a funnel? I need it before class!

Never run out of beer. The party must go on through the night for it to be a successful one. That, and not getting busted by the police. If you can get the cops to drink with you, then you're set (its been done in the past). A stripper pole can help. If you find a sexy, smooth single working the pole in a tight dress that exposes all of her features except camel toe, well, she should have majored in something else. Nevertheless, they need to get their freak on. If they won't do that to you (guys), the pole can truly be a magical place. If you have one installed already, two thumbs up. But once you are out of beer, the party ends. Keep in mind that there are several arrangements besides beer, such as Jello shots or jungle juice, to keep everyone happy far into the night.

Beer pong, flip cup, quarters, three man, kings, beer bongs, keg stands, thumper, strip poker, and Tuscany are just a few games to keep a crowd busy. Tuscany is my favorite. Three girls stand across from three guys, opposite sexes on a team. Each person gets their own "impossible triangle" of cups with three-quarters of the way filled beer. With one ping-pong ball, one-by-one people take their shots. If a cup is made, the person has ten seconds to chug their beer. If they don't finish it, they become your bitch. You have to tell them to do something and they have to do it. A game of anything goes can go a long way if you play it right. The first side that loses all their cups, the entire group becomes the bitches. Well, that may be good or bad. You decide.

With the variety of games to be played there is only one true outcome from all the fun involved. You will be gone and so will everyone else. Don't second guess yourself, you're in college! You need to lose as many brain cells as possible before entering the real world. The buzz kill alone will lead you back to alcoholism. The best part of any party is making sure that everyone has a good time, and some have a REALLY good time, which makes it that much better.

The icing on the cake however, is the stripper pole. If the girls disagree, I have seen adventurous guys get cheered on by the girls to whip out insane stunts on the pole. My friend happened to pull a trick and the pole disconnected from the ceiling and struck me while I waited to play beer pong. The stripper pole scarred me for life. Looking is free, and as long as we have eyesight, nobody can blind us. There is more to the party than getting messed up. It is a game that is played in bars, in restaurants, even online. People have to meet somehow. Anyway, I am shy. So since I know I'm not going to be approaching any of these beautiful women, I can sit back and watch them exploit their dancing abilities around a metal pole. Then you get two girls on the pole at once, well, this may be for guys only, but sororities, this is an interesting idea for you. I hope you adopt it and invite me over! Reckless and fun is all about college life and so is parties. Parties do get old after a while though, so I am merely suggesting a few changes to liven up your future reckless behavior. Experience is the detail of your life story. Live it.

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