Reading Between the Lines

by Mellissa Houlding, http://neovox.cortland.edu

Posted in on Thursday, Dec 2

Darting around the empty room, breathless with excitement and anticipation. Music and wine lulling the nerves while the mind begins to wonder, a mist of conversation, laughter and closeness. The door opens and the world tilts, a smile playing on my lips as I see the beautiful piercing eyes and the mane of hair. My skin begins to tingle, breath short and voice shy as I let her into my life and heart.

Wild intensity that builds across time and space, it envelops us until we feel we cannot breathe. Moments of passion, skin on skin, lips on lips, while eyes lock hungrily until the moment passes, unsatisfied and on the edge of insanity. Boundaries overstepped into confusion, simple makes way to complex, the mind over thinking every single moment making the heart ache and burn.

Love is a curse, of this I am convinced. A mere game played by the foolhardy. Placing your heart so fragile into the hands of another while they squeeze the life out of it. A simple phone call, enough to bring the world falling all around you. Destruction and anger leading the way to tears and sadness that makes even the most beautiful sunsets and moonlit night sky meaningless.

A picture, an email, a song, bringing the pain and sadness shooting back, eyes sad, voice weak and soul lost. The mind drowning in self-destruction; the world is still, dark and oh so empty. Positive views tainted with pain raw to the touch and stubborn when approached.

The sanctuary is built securely and steadily, so easily brought down by thoughts of her and the past. Her eyes, lips, smile, a mental image burnt into my memory. The tears fall never ending, the mess created by simple confusion and doubt.

This is the message that is read between the lines, pain and time leading to the destructing truth. You are alone, your actions, alone. Trying, always trying with perfect desperation to be the one. The one for you that you were for me. The precious one, the last thing on my mind at night and the first thing in moments of beauty and rarity. But as time has passed and the dust has settled, I realize I can't be that person to you. I am only confusion and complexity. I am ultimately unwanted.

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