First Love

by Joseph Mannion, SUNY Cortland, March 14, 2008

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Where did I go wrong? It’s the question that will plague me forever, even if I know the real answer is that it was not entirely my fault. Maybe I should have seen it coming from the beginning. The signs of a short-lived relationship were all there, but I still did everything for her. Maybe that was my mistake.

It started off as a great summer-love relationship. Summer-love…that’s all it would ever be and I should have known it. I suppose I was inexperienced, but of course I would be. She was my first.

Time moves on, though. The time we spent at Fire Island, cuddled up on the beach or in a jacuzzi, is just a memory now. Will I ever forget her? No, but that does not mean that I haven’t moved on from her. Her flower-like smell mixed with a light aroma of cigarettes; long, silky, auburn hair that tumbled down her back; her caramel complexion…they’ll be engrained in my brain forever. She was beautiful, but sometimes beauty and disaster go hand in hand, and physical beauty does not last forever.

After we were over, I realized she was never right for me. Besides great looks and great sex, she really didn’t have anything for me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, having sex every day for three months isn’t too bad, but that’s all our relationship consisted of. A relationship should be based on emotions and how the couple interacts with each other. Then sex can be brought in to make a relationship stronger, not the other way around.

I wish we were still in contact, just for the sake of being friends, but I guess it’s better that we no longer talk. As it is we’ve both moved on with our lives, and are very different people today. Everyone has a first love, and it’s hard to lose that person. But life always has hardships. Nothing can be as easy as fairy tales. These experiences help shape us and get us ready for future endeavors, and this experience definitely helped shape me.

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